The first rule of LVL Square is, don’t be an a-hole. The second rule of LVL Square is, don’t be an a-hole.

This isn't a lecture on manners, it's a strategy tip. Being civil isn't just the "nice" choice, it's the effective one. If your goal is actually changing minds, being abrasive is the least efficient way to do it. You'll feel good for five seconds and convince exactly nobody.

Imagine someone thinks they just “mic dropped” on you…

How do you feel? Are you persuaded? Are you like, “Oh they’re totally right, I was being silly all along!.” or are you more like, “Well fuuu** you!”

Why civil actually wins (the "moving the needle" case)

The research backs this up better than you may think:

A 2023 study of over 3,000 people found hostile tone barely changed how persuasive an argument was, but it did make people trust the person making it less.

There's a documented "boomerang effect" (sometimes called the backfire effect): when people feel attacked, they tend to grip their original opinion tighter, not loosen it.

And it's not just that rudeness fails. Civility actively helps: one study found people rated civil comments as more credible than uncivil ones, even when the civil comment was pointing out a mistake.

Should you call out people who are hurting your case by being a jackass? Yeah, maybe. We’re here for it. Send them a link to this post in the comments.

If someone on the other side of the argument makes a really good level headed point give them a like, or maybe even a star.

Moving the needle - Dos and Don’ts:

Do:

State opinions as opinions, not decreed facts.
Argue the point, not the person.

Bring receipts. Back it up with links, etc.

Show you've considered the downsides of your own position, not just the other side's.
Show openness to the other side’s points. Things are almost never 100% black and white. Acknowledging that shows that you are reasonable.

Explain why you hold the view, personal stakes and experience where relevant, not just the abstract case.

Watch your own confirmation bias. Ask what you'd need to see to change your mind.

Remember that you are talking to real people. Speak the same way that you would if face to face.
Even if you can’t convince everyone of your point, you can at least show them that your take isn’t crazy / stupid / extreme. In this age that’s a kind of win on it’s own.

Don’t:

Be snarky or rude
Act snooty or superior (e.g. “Well, Akshually…”)
Be dismissive of differing opinions.
Aim to “destroy”, “own”, “shut down” or “mic drop”. Show that YOU are the reasonable one. The bigger person.
Engage in whataboutism. “Yeah, but what about ____??” is off topic, and honestly, kind of weak. If something else is bugging you, that's a new topic for: Suggest Square One Topics

Before crying censorship keep in mind that it’s usually not what you say, it’s how you say it. It’s no secret that we’re trying to create a level headed community here. If that’s just not your thing, then no one is forcing you. There’s already PLENTY of other platforms that will be happy to have you.

References:

The backfire effect (boomerang effect): When persuasion attempts feel like an attack, people often dig into their original opinion rather than update it.
https://effectiviology.com/backfire-effect-facts-dont-change-minds/

Hostility barely persuades, but tanks credibility: A 2023 study (N=3,226) found hostile tone had "trivial to small effects" on how persuasive an argument was, but it did hurt the perceived competence of the source.
Schmid, P. & Werner, B. Hostility has a trivial effect on persuasiveness of rebutting science denialism on social media. Communications Psychology 1, 39 (2023).
https://www.nature.com/articles/s44271-023-00041-w

What actually changes minds on Reddit's r/ChangeMyView: A Cornell study of hundreds of thousands of debate comments found persuasive arguments have identifiable patterns, tone and interaction style matter more than aggression.
Tan, C., Niculae, V., Danescu-Niculescu-Mizil, C., & Lee, L. Winning Arguments: Interaction Dynamics and Persuasion Strategies in Good-faith Online Discussions. Proceedings of WWW (2016).
https://www.cs.cornell.edu/~cristian/pdfs/winning_arguments.pdf

The "nasty effect": rudeness distorts how the whole discussion is perceived, not just opinions of the person being rude.
Anderson, A. A., Brossard, D., Scheufele, D. A., Xenos, M. A., & Ladwig, P. The "Nasty Effect:" Online Incivility and Risk Perceptions of Emerging Technologies. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication 19(3), 373-387 (2014).
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcc4.12009

Civil comments are seen as more trustworthy, not just less distrusted: A study of 416 people found participants rated civil comments as more credible than uncivil ones, even when correcting misinformation.
Kim, J. W. & Masullo Chen, G. Exploring the Influence of Comment Tone and Content in Response to Misinformation in Social Media News. Journalism Practice 15(4), 456-470 (2021).
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17512786.2020.1739550

Follow-up study, same effect in a political news context:
Anderson, A. A., Yeo, S. K., Brossard, D., Scheufele, D. A., & Xenos, M. A. Toxic Talk: How Online Incivility Can Undermine Perceptions of Media. International Journal of Public Opinion Research 30(1), 156-168 (2018).
https://academic.oup.com/ijpor/article/30/1/156/2669499

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